Hairy Situation
10 Sep 2009 2 Comments
in Ponderings, Rants Tags: bathroom, Brazilian, gross, pubic hair, shaving, toilet
Today upon entering the bathroom at work (yup… we’re back in the bathroom people) I discovered something gross on my seat which I see all too often. A lone curly hair approximately 3/4 of an inch long. Which got me to pondering, because (and I don’t think I’m alone in this) when I see a hair on a toilet seat the only place my brain is able to go is “EEEWWW!!! A PUBE!” Is this me having me head in the gutter? Or is this the typical response? I’m sorry but if it’s short, dark and curly and in an area you would have taken off your pants… it’s all I can think of. If that means my head is in the gutter then so be it.
Which got me to thinking about the fact that it’s 2009… and even if you’re not waxed down to a Brazilian… I would hope in this day and age that women are at least landscaping to a certain extent, perhaps shaving, at least a trim. I thought they were. Like the hair I saw this morning… why was it almost an inch long? Are they going to braid it this weekend? I really don’t need or want to know what’s going on with you and your vagooter! For heaven’s sake, if your free loving au-natural ass takes the beaver out of its cage, please have the courtesy to check that it hasn’t shed on the seating… PLEASE. You can do it while you’re wiping off the piss you sprinkled on there while hovering.
I don’t need anymore flash backs to the terrible videos they showed us in Human Sexuality class that were all made in the 70′s when everyone was apparently much hairier and they had not yet seen the technological advances of the razor or wax.
How May I Direct Your Call?
04 Aug 2009 Leave a Comment
in Rants Tags: bathroom, phone, toilet
Ok, so before we leave the bathroom I was reminded today at work of another increasing bathroom phenomenon: “shit talkers” I will call them… people who talk on the phone while in the bathroom. Why? Why on Earth is this a necessity? I will myself admit that I’ll write a text message or even check twitter on my phone when I go to the bathroom. However, those are one way forms of communication, in other words… you can’t tell I’m in the bathroom.
I think it’s a bit… gross, not to mention a bit rude to call someone up on the phone and have a nice chat while on the pot. I mean I’ve always hated the fact that people in the next stall can hear me pee… why on Earth do I want someone in the next county over to hear me too? And even if you’re quietly tinkling in your stall, think about all the things going on around you that that person can hear. The person in the stall next to you unfurling a football field’s length of toilet paper, The industrial strength jet stream of flushing water to your other side, the creak of the foam soap dispenser, the weird electronic buzz of the automatic paper towel dispenser. All of it amplified and echoed twice around you by the ceramic tiled floor and the giant mirrored wall.
The ultimate question is what was so important it couldn’t wait until after you’ve done your business? Is your house burning down? Is someone dying? WELL THEN PULL UP YOUR PANTS AND GET THE HELL OUT OF THERE!!! And if not… a simple “I’m going to have to call you back” would suffice. Or perhaps letting the call go to voice mail. And if you’re the dialer… what was so important you had to call and find out that couldn’t wait 3 minutes? Did someone discover the secret to life and I missed out on the answer because I didn’t pick up my phone on the John?
There is one exception I will make to the “Don’t Pee While on the Phone” rule… I have a mother. And God knows the woman likes to talk. Every week I talk to her and conversations run anywhere from 45-90 minutes. I’m not going to lie, after a few drinks and over and hour of chatting… I have broken down and peed while talking to Mom.
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