To Hover or… to Get Over it!

Most people probably use at least one public restroom a day, whether it’s at work or the store or even a restaurant, when nature calls they are the only option.  And unfortunately for all of us most of them aren’t exactly the cleanest places on earth. And I’m not talking about nightmare truck stop bathrooms, I’m talking about the bathroom in your office building for example. That being said I think people go to extremes sometimes in the bathroom.  Here is what I don’t get… people think the toilet seat is gross and decide not to sit on it, instead they hover. They hover and they dribble, thereby splattering the toilet seat with urine for the next poor soul who wanders in.  Haven’t they made the problem exponentially worse?

It would seem then that the better option would be the silly little paper toilet seat covers right? Well I suppose they aren’t hurting anything, but what I want to know is what on earth do you think the toilet seat is going to hurt?  Do I think you should sit down in front of it and enjoy your lunch on the seat, no… but unless you plan on dining off of your own rear end later… why are you so concerned about keeping that sterile?  And don’t get me started on the irony of a “clean bottom”… we all read “Everybody Poops” and we know what goes on back there.

The truth of the matter is that the toilet seat is actually one of the cleanest places in a bathroom.  And think about it, the thing most likely to get on a toilet seat is urine right? And what’s so bad about that once again? It’s mostly water, and due to it’s salt and ammonia content was actually used during many wars as an antiseptic in open wounds (desperate times call for desperate measures).  So the next time you go into a public restroom, forget what your mom taught you about hovering because if you’re that afraid of a toilet seat you’re also too afraid of your own piss to wipe it off the seat for me… and I don’t want to have to do it.  And guess what, you’re not eating on the damn seat so forgo the little table cloth too, take a deep breath, sit your but down and pee like a normal person.

And by the way. The latest thing I’ve noticed is people washing their hands, leaving the water running and reaching for a paper towel to turn it off with, and then carry over to use to open the door handle.  It would never in my life dawn on me to do this. Why? I have an immune system, unlikes so many people these days who Purell their entire bodies constantly and have lowered their resistance to germs that are all around us no matter how many toilet seat covers and paper towels you use.  I for one refuse to live in fear of public restrooms, my only discomfort remains the thought that the person in the next stall heard that little poot sneak out.

Don’t believe me about the toilet seat? Read this according to them it IS clean enough to eat off of. Bon Apetit!