Peace… but never quiet.

It has come to my attention that I am extremely sensitive to sounds. You know, the strange nagging annoying little sounds the world is constantly bouncing off innocent eardrums, they are sounds I would define as noise pollution. This sensitivity I suppose has existed my entire life. I have always needed my room to be nice and quiet in order to fall asleep, only able to tolerate the steady whir of a fan or hum of an AC unit.  This has been causing me problems for about 4 years… ever since I asked my non husband to move in with me. Were he to be bestowed with and Indian name I would nominate “Breathes Like an Ox” and ” the Great Wind Sucker” for he paints with ALL the colors of the wind when he sleeps. Unfortunately for both me and his ribs which I frequently elbow his funny little nose snorty sounds keep me awake, and he always falls asleep before me.  It is almost as if the rest of the world fades into the background as I lay in bed and all I can hear is the all consuming sound of his breathing… and I slowly descend into madness and then it happens, the elbow takes flight.

A few months ago following a series of dental appointments which ended in 10 fillings, now refered to as my “new counter tops” I was gifted the ability to taste sounds.  My dental renovations had resulted in a level of sensitivity which was other worldly.  Every metallic ting or crinkle or squeak felt like chewing on foil and tasted like sucking on pennies.  A knife would squeak across a plate and I would salivate discomfort. I spent my days literally bracing my mouth for sound impact, to the point that I was pressing my tongue to my teeth and gradually, slowly and uncomfortably moving them within my mouth. The phenomenon grew worse the further the temperature dropped when winter came, and this winter was one for the record books. Eventually the weather warmed, my teeth began to heal and specially formulated toothpastes have striped me of my unique gustatory/auditory super powers.

Now that I’m not experiencing such physical discomfort from sounds I am able to simply hear them again and they are getting more and more annoying. Today at work I finally fought back against the noise. Just outside the door to my new and otherwise lovely office there is another door to a main traffic pattern through the building. This door opens approximately 600 times a day and every time it does the squeak of the hinges sounds like a pod of humpback whales is being set loose down the hallway.  And then when the door finally makes the long and loud journey back to its resting place it slams into its frame shaking the entire wall in front of me. After sitting at my desk all day yesterday losing a bit more of my mind to this distraction with each opening and closing, I decided today had to be a better day. The first order of business at work today was a heavy coating of WD40 on all of the doors moving parts, and the placement of multiple foam pads along the door frame to cushion the impact. The difference was immediate and… powerful. Today flavors were tastier and colors were brighter because the door wasn’t putting a damper on it all. I went back later and sprayed another celebratory layer on the hinges.  And I didn’t stop there, I sprayed my creeky chair and my squealing  hole punch.

And the next time my office mate disturbs my sanctuary with the rustle of his pant leg and squeak of his chair as he absent-mindedly bounces his leg, I’m throwing that can of WD40 at the back of his head.

Can’t Talk Right Now… Leave a Message

My adventures at the dentist have been many lately. Firstly, about a month ago I finally worked up the will power to go the dentist and deal with among other things the gaping hole that had been visible in one of my molars for over a year. I had finally  convinced myself that playing in the hole with my tongue was NOT in fact going to make it go away. I take of work early, I force myself to show up… and am told that my insurance cannot be verified… what the hell people!  I, a completely stressed out hormonal mess leave the office and call my husband crying “I didn’t get to see the dentist! *Snortle*”  I end up finding out the HR dept. of my employer has given them my wrong social security number. A few weeks later it was fixed and I made a new appointment, which was even harder to make than the first one.

I show up to that one too, against my better judgement, and sure enough, after x-rays, digital photography and what felt like an archaeological expedition of my mouth I was given the prognosis. Five cavities all between teeth resulting in ten total filings.  So I schedule and appointment to come back and deal with the cleaning and the filings on the left side. That’s where today comes in.

I’m not the first person to write about how they hate it when they go to the dentist and they talk to you while they’re massacring the inside of your mouth, but it truly is annoying.  That being said, the hygenist was fairly good about only talking to me when she had her hands out of my mouth and I was free to move, swallow… and you know speak.  And aside from the fact that she made my gums feel like ground beef and scraped my teeth so hard I swear they’re smaller now, she was just… great.  The dentist, however, would ask things like “Is that sensitive?” Or “Are you doing OK?” etc… while I have her hands and those of an assistant in my mouth with picks apparently called “explorers” and suction tubes and water sprayers and what amounted to a foam rubber jack holding my jaw open.  And I’m sorry but there are a lot of things I can do while being accidentally water boarded by a dentist, and holding a conversation is NOT one of them. At one point I was only able to express my discomfort by making an ugly face and choking in my own saliva. It was… awesome. I was paying far too much attention today at the dentist especially to all the crap they were shoving in my mouth. I’m pretty sure at one point there were wooden shivs in my mouth… as if we were trying to level out the new window we were having installed! And now I know why she numbed the entire left side of my face from chin to lower eyelid, I think she could have drilled in my ear and I wouldn’t have caught on right away.

And just think… I get to go back again for them to do the other side.