Three and Out

I’ve been seeing more and more photo albums pop up on people Facebook pages in the weeks since Halloween and there is a growing phenomenon which continues to bother me.  Halloween is all about costumes, the scary ones, the creepy ones, the slutty ones, the funny and or really clever ones… they’re all good.  Sometimes even the last-minute ones can be the most inventive and at least show a little bit of thought and effort.  You know the kind: the guy who shows up wearing a hefty bag because he’s “white trash”. The definition of a costume is dress or garb characteristic of another period, place, person, etc.

That being said there are certain last-minute effortless costumes that bother me. The kind that you might as well not even bother with. There is always the girl who puts on some leggings and basically all of the ugly colorful things she owns and is a generic 80’s montage of a person… cop-out.  And there is the guy who wears a wife beater and jeans and says he’s a redneck… it’s not a costume if it’s your real life buddy. But the one I have been seeing all over the place that really aggravates me is girls wearing football jerseys and jeans with maybe some team colored ribbons in their hair or some black smudges under their eyes if you’re lucky.  What are you supposed to be? A sports fan? Because if you owned that jersey already you are a fan… so it’s not a costume it’s… what you wear on Sundays. A football player? I’m going to at least need some spandex pants to go with or maybe you could cleverly fashion some kind of pads? You know… try a little.

Oh I know! If it’s an Aaron Rogers jersey you might be going as me for Halloween.  Now that’s a clever costume.  So dear 20 something girls, if that’s the best you can do, don’t even bother next time.  Or do us all a favor and make a $20 trip to the local Party City and buy… ANYTHING!

Suck it up

So it didn’t take me long to find a completely bathroom unrelated topic which annoys me. Skinny girls who like to talk about how fat they are.  Why does this annoy me? Because I am NOT a skinny girl. So my initial thought when I overhear these types of conversations is… if they are fat… what would my classification be? “ALERT SEA WORLD!!! Shamoo has escaped!”And while I am not skinny I’m not “fat”. I’m: average, healthy, big boned, a marvel of advanced German engineering. But I was one a good bit heavier and there’s still a bit of that fat girl inside of me and man she gets pissed when skinny people complain.

The strange thing I have noticed about these conversations is that they tend to take place amongst groups of skinny girls. I’m not sure if it’s a genuine concern they are expressing which I suppose would be a commentary on the increase of eating disorders among young women in Western Society. Or if they are simple playing the game of fishing for compliments. You know how it goes…

Skinny Girl #1: “Oh my God I’m getting sooooo fat”

Skinny Girl#2:  “Shut up! You’re not fat you’re like suuuuper skinny, I wish I was as skinny as youuuuu.”

April: **grabs her muffin top and gives it a little jiggle**

Whatever the cause or the reason. I wonder if these individuals ever stop to think that there are people all over the place bigger than them and that perhaps they aren’t the people to be having this conversation around.  The last time one of these conversations took place in my vicinity I spoke up. “If you’re fat… what does that leave me? I’m bigger than you.” The skinny girl’s response was… a momentary stunned silence and the response of “You’re not big, you look great.” The same person so quick to label herself as fat never would have given that label to me. But the fact remains… if you don’t think I’m fat, and you’re smaller than me… then why do you think you’re fat? She didn’t have an answer, and few probably would. Perhaps because people hold themselves to higher standards than they do others? But then again if that were the case people wouldn’t more people be… better people?

I for one am extremely thankful that while I have several extremely skinny friends, they are not privy to this kind of thing.  They all seem to realize that the transition from a size zero to  a size two is not in fact the end of the world, nor does an extra ten pounds push them into the Welterweight category.