Top Five Things I Find Annoying…Today (Episode 2)

I have decided to revisit a previous post of mine with a new list of the current top five things annoying me, because when it comes to me and the things that bother me about the world, there is always something, but you can never guess what it might be today.

#1.  People with an air of superiority. I want to throw them all off the pretty little pedestals they’ve built themselves.

#2. “Saved” Christians looking down on an atheist because they’re not as good and somehow not entitled to the same freedom to have their own beliefs (or lack there of), no matter how much you may disagree with them.  And don’t tell me you’ll pray for me… I might want to punch you in the face. And we heathens have poor self control at times.

#3. The Washington Post Sunday Crossword Puzzle. Nothing manages to make me feel less intelligent than those glaringly empty little white squares. And I’m pretty sure some of that stuff is plain old made up. But then we’ve already established in #2 that I’m a bit of a skeptic.

#4. People who are ALWAYS late. In today’s world where your Palm Pre can tell you when you’re going to need to take your next crap how is this still possible? There are clocks on phones, on iPods, on microwaves, on ovens, on cable boxes, on the task bar of your computer, on your wrist?… on WALLS! And somehow you neglected to look at ANY of them and caused me to have to wait 30 minutes for you to arrive past our agreed meeting time, or now the dinner I had ready for your arrival is cold or overcooked.  I believe this phenomenon is related to today’s #1.

#5. The fact that the “fashions” of the 80’s and 90’s are coming back to haunt me in my adulthood. I was in a Claire’s this weekend shopping for Halloween costume accessories and was disturbed to see 14 and 15 year olds picking out lacy Maddonaesque gloves, chunky plastic neon jewelry,  leg warmers, and a whole host of other travesties as their every day flare. The highlight was arriving at the checkout counter to be greeted by a plastic bin proudly displaying slap bracelet. For only $3.50 apparently you too can relive the 80’s

Send Fanny Packs…Packing

At the behest off one of my most fashionable friends it has been requested that I rant about the timeless faux pas that is… the fanny pack! The fanny pack may have at one time been socially acceptable for mothers at Disney World who were required to carry the arsenal of band-aids and sunscreen and snacks etc. that goes along with having children… and needing their hands and apparently shoulders free of bags.  These days, however, are gone now and in my opinion (and I doubt that I am alone) no longer any valid reason… to own or regularly wear a fanny pack.

First of all, in today’s world there are any number of messenger bags, back packs, totes, purse, “man bags”, etc. that should be able to suit all of your cargo needs.  Secondly, fanny packs look stupid… I feel this requires no further explanation. Thirdly, and this is the important thing, what on Earth is so important that you feel it must be strapped to your torso within arms reach at all times, in a clear line of site.  I mean even the “football” is a briefcase! The fate of the world lies in a briefcase but your belongings need to be tethered to your waist? Please… explain.

Case and point, at my previous job the director was a 65 year old man. Not your typical 65 year old when it came to most things: he was a black belt, in good shape, had a much younger wife, etc. However, his wardrobe was definitely dated, to include acid washed tapered leg jeans, a lot of flannel and… a black leather fanny pack.  My co-workers and I spend many an hour contemplating it’s possible contents to no avail.  There he would be walking into the building each morning: old man wrap around extra dark sunglasses, bad jeans, slip on shoes, and the fanny pack.  But aside from the car keys in his hand what could need a home in the fanny pack? A wallet? Well… isn’t that why pants have pockets? a cell phone? Again… your pants have at least 4 pockets… 2 front, 2 back. The wallet is in one, and I’m not great at math but I’m pretty sure that leaves 3 vacancies. The secret to life? The nuclear arm codes… no wait, those are in the briefcase remember?

So at the end of the day… if you own a fanny pack, if you’ve ever used that fanny pack… don’t let it happen again. Unless you’re Chuck Norris, it does seem like a good place to store souls.